The Failures of a Dreamer

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Credits: Flickr

Before anything else I would like to let you know guys that I’m still awake at this time of writing. Fifteen minutes before 1 PM and I am still kicking in here on the computer.

I am currently doing two (2) things, a couple of reasons why I am still awake and busy. (1) I am downloading the ROM file for my Android phone. Yup, I wrecked it again, as always, and to think that I’m writing this blog post just to kill time while downloading. (2) I am busy thinking about my future. It doesn’t mean that I am so desperate wondering why my real dreams aren’t here yet – I don’t want to push myself too far. I was just asking myself if I can.

Right now I am in a state of doubt. But doubting whom? I’m afraid that I’m asking myself, if I could really make it to attain my dreams in the future. Of course nobody knows what’s going to happen to me in the span of these years; senior high school, college, or maybe work, if it’s not yet the work I actually desired to have.

So firstly I’m going to tell you my story as a youth, a dreamer like everyone else. I once had this dream of becoming an aircraft engineer of some sort – I can recall this to be in my Day Care to early Grade School days, and I had no idea back then how airplanes work (I haven’t managed to ride an airplane, not even at this time of writing) nor did I make sure if this was the dream I always wanted.

But things started to change gradually as I finish elementary. It was one late afternoon, I went inside a computer shop to check on my sister as she effortlessly made rapid movements of her fingers pressing against the buttons of the keyboard, then having an occasional attempt to move the mouse and do some clicking. I had no idea about computers before. I did not know what the internet is for, or how a printer prints Microsoft Word documents. I felt like I was too much a kid back then.

One day, when we received a gift, a laptop from my cousin at Mindanao, I had the ample chance to explore the virtual insides of a computer, browse the net, know how each icon or program works and understand the connection of each. It was a good experience, at first.

But then came the numerous problems we had with the computer. From my own perspective I could diagnose that it may be some hardware damage, maybe the RAM or the hard disk, or both. Maybe it’s just a fact that that computer was old enough to stay with us, to function properly just like a normal computer would. Yet the stress that it brought upon me had me hungry, hungry for new information on how to fix these random errs.

Since I was in eighth grade, we already had this specialization in our TVE curriculum. Computer Hardware Servicing, CHS for short. It was quite interesting for me, but not for most of my classmates. I enjoyed it because I had the chance to understand and manipulate the physical insides of a desktop computer. It was tons of fun and challenge.

One day the select few of us had the opportunity to go for an elimination competition in CHS. The top student in this contest will be the one participating in the technolympics competition, an inter-school competition wherein students unleash their skills in different Technical Vocational Courses. The practice was kind of hard. I think I placed last because my hands were not that good at manipulating small objects – nuts, bolts, and screws. And it felt very awful.

From a couple of chances to join technolympics, I’ve never made it through even one of them.

Still, I can confidently say that I managed to keep up with the logical discussions about computers, especially in networking. My classmates would always ask me why I was that good, but deep inside I think, I still have a lot more to know.

Then the big day came. The CHS assessment. We’ve filled out all our forms, answered all the pre-memorized questionnaires and prepped ourselves for the main event. We had a few competencies that we should accomplish: network cabling, network printing, software installation, and an interview.

The first one is a fail. The twisted pairs are out of place and the LAN tester’s blinking randomly. I felt so down, so painfully down at that point. We’ve been training for almost three years now, and now I failed in this simple quirk?

I thought to myself that I would just make it up in three more competencies. It’s just one of them anyway, would it hurt that much? I barely passed in network printing, software installation’s a charm, and the interview was doing fine.

But I didn’t know that we had to pass all the competencies to be able to legally “pass” and get a certificate.

Isn’t it funny for others to think like, fun fact, he barely passed the NCII Assessment Certification in Computer Hardware Servicing? Regardless of who I would be in the future, it can lacerate my records a bit.

Well so much for the paranoia I’m having right now. This summer, (still technically spring in the temperate regions) I have completed my Junior High School, and will proceed to Senior High School like I said before because of the newly implemented K-12 Curriculum in our country. I’m currently overthinking like an adult right now, basically brainwashing myself that my life will just be put into waste.

That’s true for most of the time, but there’s still one spark that keeps me alive. I know that there’s my family and friends in full support, but my life will never be the same, beautiful and inspiring, without God in your life. I may say, I don’t have anything to do right now, but God has everything for me to do in the future. I may blabber, “I’m just a worthless, dreamless fail”, but God gave me a future, short but just enough time to grow myself, to outlive my worries, and to succeed from all of my failures.

I hope that these words, my little true story, inspire others who are feeling so down lately, that if you pray and ask for help, it will be given unto you. But you also have to work it out yourself. The lightened path is already there, and it’s just up for us to walk through.

Before anything else I would like to let you know guys that I’m still awake at this time of writing. Fifteen minutes before 1 PM and I am still kicking in here on the computer.

I am currently doing two (2) things, a couple of reasons why I am still awake and busy. (1) I am downloading the ROM file for my Android phone. Yup, I wrecked it again, as always, and to think that I’m writing this blog post just to kill time while downloading. (2) I am busy thinking about my future. It doesn’t mean that I am so desperate wondering why my real dreams aren’t here yet – I don’t want to push myself too far. I was just asking myself if I can.

Right now I am in a state of doubt. But doubting whom? I’m afraid that I’m asking myself, if I could really make it to attain my dreams in the future. Of course nobody knows what’s going to happen to me in the span of these years; senior high school, college, or maybe work, if it’s not yet the work I actually desired to have.

So firstly I’m going to tell you my story as a youth, a dreamer like everyone else. I once had this dream of becoming an aircraft engineer of some sort – I can recall this to be in my Day Care to early Grade School days, and I had no idea back then how airplanes work (I haven’t managed to ride an airplane, not even at this time of writing) nor did I make sure if this was the dream I always wanted.

But things started to change gradually as I finish elementary. It was one late afternoon, I went inside a computer shop to check on my sister as she effortlessly made rapid movements of her fingers pressing against the buttons of the keyboard, then having an occasional attempt to move the mouse and do some clicking. I had no idea about computers before. I did not know what the internet is for, or how a printer prints Microsoft Word documents. I felt like I was too much a kid back then.

One day, when we received a gift, a laptop from my cousin at Mindanao, I had the ample chance to explore the virtual insides of a computer, browse the net, know how each icon or program works and understand the connection of each. It was a good experience, at first.

But then came the numerous problems we had with the computer. From my own perspective I could diagnose that it may be some hardware damage, maybe the RAM or the hard disk, or both. Maybe it’s just a fact that that computer was old enough to stay with us, to function properly just like a normal computer would. Yet the stress that it brought upon me had me hungry, hungry for new information on how to fix these random errs.

Since I was in eighth grade, we already had this specialization in our TVE curriculum. Computer Hardware Servicing, CHS for short. It was quite interesting for me, but not for most of my classmates. I enjoyed it because I had the chance to understand and manipulate the physical insides of a desktop computer. It was tons of fun and challenge.

One day the select few of us had the opportunity to go for an elimination competition in CHS. The top student in this contest will be the one participating in the technolympics competition, an inter-school competition wherein students unleash their skills in different Technical Vocational Courses. The practice was kind of hard. I think I placed last because my hands were not that good at manipulating small objects – nuts, bolts, and screws. And it felt very awful.

From a couple of chances to join technolympics, I’ve never made it through even one of them.

Still, I can confidently say that I managed to keep up with the logical discussions about computers, especially in networking. My classmates would always ask me why I was that good, but deep inside I think, I still have a lot more to know.

Then the big day came. The CHS assessment. We’ve filled out all our forms, answered all the pre-memorized questionnaires and prepped ourselves for the main event. We had a few competencies that we should accomplish: network cabling, network printing, software installation, and an interview.

The first one is a fail. The twisted pairs are out of place and the LAN tester’s blinking randomly. I felt so down, so painfully down at that point. We’ve been training for almost three years now, and now I failed in this simple quirk?

I thought to myself that I would just make it up in three more competencies. It’s just one of them anyway, would it hurt that much? I barely passed in network printing, software installation’s a charm, and the interview was doing fine.

But I didn’t know that we had to pass all the competencies to be able to legally “pass” and get a certificate.

Isn’t it funny for others to think like, fun fact, he barely passed the NCII Assessment Certification in Computer Hardware Servicing? Regardless of who I would be in the future, it can lacerate my records a bit.

Well so much for the paranoia I’m having right now. This summer, (still technically spring in the temperate regions) I have completed my Junior High School, and will proceed to Senior High School like I said before because of the newly implemented K-12 Curriculum in our country. I’m currently overthinking like an adult right now, basically brainwashing myself that my life will just be put into waste.

That’s true for most of the time, but there’s still one spark that keeps me alive. I know that there’s my family and friends in full support, but my life will never be the same, beautiful and inspiring, without God in your life. I may say, I don’t have anything to do right now, but God has everything for me to do in the future. I may blabber, “I’m just a worthless, dreamless fail”, but God gave me a future, short but just enough time to grow myself, to outlive my worries, and to succeed from all of my failures.

I hope that these words, my little true story, inspire others who are feeling so down lately, that if you pray and ask for help, it will be given unto you. But you also have to work it out yourself. The lightened path is already there, and it’s just up for us to walk through.

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